What gives you the heebie-jeebies as a ham radio operator? With Halloween only a few days away, we’re dedicating this post to some scary things that keep us up at night.
Mic Fright
Yes, there is a fear of microphones, and it’s called microphonebia. The symptoms include sweating, a dry mouth, a blank stare, and a squeaky voice. Some people think public speaking is scary, but hand them a microphone and it turns into a phobia. Why does this simple device inspire so much horror in so many?
One reason is simply not knowing what to say—or forgetting what to say. Imagine not being able to remember your call sign while calling CQ. Another is fear of doing something stupid, like saying “breaker, breaker” on a repeater.
Being judged by people is also a cause of mic fright. Perhaps when you forgot to turn off the roger beep on your Baofeng HT, someone called you a lid (poor or careless operator). Sometimes, it’s easier just to refrain from speaking rather than feel like a fool on the air.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Own your microphonebia—face your fear head on. It’s odd how some people who have no problem talking on a telephone suddenly freeze up with a microphone in their face.
Don’t forget—the telephone has a microphone too.
Wouff-Hong
No other object has stricken such terror in the heart of any amateur operator who ever called CQ. Of course, we’re talking about the dreaded Wouff-Hong!
It looks rather innocent—two pieces of wood strapped together with wire. The piece shows no hint of craftsmanship at all. Perhaps it was a joke or a hastily built school project thrown together at the last minute. But in the early days of ham radio, it was known as an instrument of torture and discipline to maintain decency and order in the ham radio community.
Resembling a misshapen paddle (possibly used by a high school assistant principal), it became a symbol for the enforcement of law and order in amateur radio operations. It reminded the amateur radio community always to use best practices when on the air. Legend has it that it was also used as a stake to subdue an angry vampire who tuned up his radio over a popular net.
Only after his death was it revealed that the Wouff-Hong was the brainchild of Hiram Percy Maxim, founder and first president of the ARRL. It is said that he took the secret of its origin to his grave.
FOMO
FOMO stands for Fear of Missing Out. It’s the feeling of anxiety that you’re missing out on something that could improve your radio signal and operating skills or give you bragging rights. Maybe seeing the “box ‘o boards” at the Icom display during the 2024 Dayton Hamvention® sent your mind racing, imagining what an awesome radio it might be. Or are you convinced your 6400M is now obsolete with the 8400M flexing its new and improved features?
But wait, there’s more. You saw the latest Sherwood ratings and your primary radio slid seven places down the list. You need that Yaesu FTdx-101D, along with a Power Genius XL amplifier upgrade. After all, the PGXL won’t be on sale forever.
You must have them, but is it worth the confrontation? Will your XYL blow a gasket when the credit card bill arrives? Will the transceiver be in short supply, complete with an eight-month waiting period (remember the K4D)? It’s scary stuff for sure!
DOA
High on the list of fears is a radio suddenly failing during a major contest. The display disappears, and the magic smoke (hidden in the electronic parts) fills the air. No amount of button pressing, nor a jolt from Frankenstein’s electrodes, will bring it back to life.
You could try to repair it, but you’ll become immediately intimidated by the tiny surface mount devices crowded together on the circuit boards. You could look into having someone else fix it, but I’d be wary of the guy who’ll take his payment in the form of pizza and beer. It’s much safer to bite the bullet and send it to an authorized repair center.
But safety can be costly. Shipping and insurance costs alone are enough to make you sit up and take notice, and service fees could be $90/hr. plus parts. Hopefully, the problem won’t be a major one, and the bill won’t be too scary.
Drowning in Noise
We’re not talking about screams or bumps in the night. The major challenge faced by urban hams is electrical noise. Cities are noisy places with RF noise from cell phones, electric motors, cars and buses, LED lights, microwave ovens, and switching power supplies. Noise blankers and other circuitry in modern transceivers don’t do much to block terrestrial noise.
Switching-mode power supplies, common in consumer electronic devices and battery chargers, often generate RFI at very high levels—especially the poorly engineered ones. But the worst offenders of all are high-power lighting systems, particularly grow lights used for cultivating plants indoors.
Want to be a noise-buster? There are specialized receivers for tracking down power line noise, but a portable AM broadcast radio will also do the job. They’re portable and have directional ferrite rod antennas useful for direction finding. Many RFI sources are broadband-like power line noise that can be heard from LF to VHF.
Check your house, then the neighborhood. If the receiver noise is about the same operating portable away from the house as in the house, it could be noisy power lines or something in the neighborhood that radiates noise over a large area.
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Speaking of noise, there goes the doorbell. A pint-sized goblin is waiting impatiently outside—did you buy enough candy?
Halloween is truly the most wonderful time of the fear.
